Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Randomize
