he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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