i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
