So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
