I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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