So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
