Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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