Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
