I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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