it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
