I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize