Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
