first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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