I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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