now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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