She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize