Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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