If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
