Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize