Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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