i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
