Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
