New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
