Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
How's work?
Spinning.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
