Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
