People in love make me want to vomit
Its about making memories worth repressing
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
