why didn't you poke me back
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Green mimosas i think yes
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
