this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
