He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
