theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize