That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
