I'm so fucking centered right now
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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