you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
