is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
why is half of my head shaved?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
