i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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