I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i love accidental penises.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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