I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize