He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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