Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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