I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
