Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
