i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
