I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
