I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
FUCK WHALES
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
