I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize