Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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