tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
