I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
