at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Randomize
