Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize