I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
