i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
