So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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