Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
