Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
