Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I think my moral compass just broke
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