Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
