dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
