I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
