I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
