I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
