Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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