I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
