it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
And then my night got REAL pukey
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
