Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the day after is always just damage control
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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