I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
